Expectations
How many of us have been disappointed by people that did not fulfill the expectations we had of them? I see that hand. My hand is up as well. An expectation is the act of anticipating or looking forward to something. It can be as simple as a phone call, a visit from a friend or a letter in the mail. When an expectation is not fulfilled, one feels a sense of loss and depression. Your expectations can shape your perception of reality, destroy relationships and change your life, both emotionally and physically. You need to be very careful of the expectations you harbor within yourself, because the wrong ones can make your life unnecessarily difficult.
Most expectations are unspoken. They just hang over us as we try to relate to people. Here are some of them: “People should know what I am trying to say.” “Everyone should like me.” “Life should be fair.” “People should agree with me.” Expectations don’t reflect reality, but rather create an illusion of the ideal. When there is illusion, them come disillusion. To maintain healthy relationships, we must reduce the expectations we have of those we desire to relate to.
Stephen Hawking, the famous theoretical physicist and cosmologist, at the age of 21 contracted a slow-progressing form of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, commonly known as the Lou Gehrig disease. Although he has been confined to a wheelchair and communicates by a single cheek muscle attached to a speech-generating device, has excelled in his field of quantum physics. Being considered to be one of the brightest people alive today, Hawking said this about expectations: “My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.”
When Martha’s brother Lazarus became ill, she sent for Jesus. She had seen Jesus heal so many that were sick and so she had expected Jesus to do the same for her brother. But Jesus didn’t come when she expected him to come and Lazarus died. She felt let disappointed and let down. When Jesus finally arrived, (four days after Lazarus’ death), Marta’s disappointment with Jesus overflowed when she said: “If you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11.21) Her expectation of Jesus had blinded her from seeing Jesus as being much more than a healer, but as the source of Life and Resurrection. The two disciples that were on the road to Emmaus, after the death of Jesus, could not recognize Jesus as He talked with them on the way, because of the expectations they had of a messiah. I don’t believe we are so different from them. Our perception of what we feel should have happened, blinds us from the essence of who God is and what He is doing.
To keep free from the destructive elements of expectations, it is important to heed these simple guidelines. First, do not expect others to be responsible for your happiness. Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit in your life. Your emotional well-being must come from your relationship with God and not people or things. Secondly, approach each relationship as a learning experience. Free others of your expectations of them. Each person is a world to discover. Next, communicate clearly your desires and points of view. Don’t expect others to second guess you or know what you are thinking. And finally, make and keep clear agreements. Although expectations can kill relationships, faithfulness and honesty will build life-long friendships. Forgiveness is the best remedy for the damage caused by unfulfilled expectations. Be the first to forgive and to ask for forgiveness.
Scriptures to meditate on:
John 11.17-27; Luke 24.13-25; Prov. 13.12; Ps. 37.1-7